Eat, pray, and get laid... (title not related to the post)

“What do I want to do with my life?”

A big and could be the most difficult question if not for a lot of people at least for me. I envy those people who have the guts, or the luck, or maybe the convenience/luxury to figure it out.

When I was in Grade II, I remember saying I wanted to be a Scientist (science was my favorite subject). Then in Grade 5, I changed my mind, because I realized that I was not really good in math and being a scientist takes a lot of computation. I shifted to wanting to be a Flight Stewardess, even though I didn't even know what they do. I just thought it was cool, because most of my girlfriends liked to be flight stewardess.

In 4th year high school, the time that we really had to figure it out, future was becoming now. It was supposed to be an exciting
experience to not only day dream about your future but actually start fulfilling it. But I was not even thinking about college that time because I thought that I would never go to college due to lack of resources. And it was okay with me, I’m used to being different and not being able to go to college was something that was not frustrating to me. I thought I just had to stop wanting things that I couldn't have. Later, I realized that if life hands you a lemon, you can ask for tequila and salt.

My mom looked for opportunities for me to get me to college. She applied for a scholarship in one of the reputable university for me. Because of luck and my high grades in high school (I have to give credit to myself, our high school was not easy, promise), I passed all qualifications and presented with an option between doing clerical jobs in school and chose whatever course I want, or 100% scholarship without clerical job and take BS Education courses. Or should I say, I used to have an option to choose the type of scholarship I wanted, but my mother decided for me already. She chose Education for me.

Although, that was included in my Top 10 (when my teacher asked for the top the courses that we want to take, later I realized that I had too limited options; I didn’t know, until after few years that there are courses like International Studies, Theater Arts, Global Gender Studies, Minority Studies, Environmental Protection and Conservation, Forestry, Archeology, Fashion Design etc…) I thought ‘teaching is boring’, no chance to travel and meet new exciting people. And although I love to be in front of the class and be a smart ass and pretend to be a know-it-all, I never imagined myself to grow old teaching. I really used to hate my situation, doing things I thought was not for me, I really wanted to take BS HRM, or Mass Communication, or Tourism instead.

Unexpectedly, it turned out that, what happened was actually one the most remarkable things ever occurred in my life. I realized the importance of teachers to the society, their sacrifices. Teaching can be one of the most rewarding professions. And Education course is not only meant for the child with the lowest I.Q. It irritates me to hear "Mag-teacher ka na lang." In this course, you may find the most financially challenge students, but you also find the most generous, multi-talented, responsible, concerned, and compassionate.
Moreover, I realized that it could be the perfect profession for me. In this profession, I could be a manager, a doctor, a lawyer, a judge, a singer, an actor, a PR, a nurse, guidance counselor, a social worker, etc… (if you are a teacher, you know what I mean).

Although I had learned to love the route I were in, after college I didn’t bother practicing it as a profession. Because of curiosity and need of money, it pursued career in customer service.

I was a call-center agent for almost 3 yrs. And I could say that I was a good citizen of the republic. I paid taxes and I didn’t violate the law (ok, jaywalking, yes). But what was the direct impact and contribution that I gave to the society by sitting in an air-conditioned room answering stupid questions for 8 hours?

It came to a point that I felt that only difference between the office cubicle and the prison is the computer. Being in the office doing paper work is as good as killing me. I want action, I need to sweat, literally.

Maybe it’s in my DNA or in my zodiac sign to create something grandeur like a work of art similar to Sistine Chapel; or even to save the world; or to be change to I want to see in the world (Gandhi? hehehe we have the same zodiac). Or maybe I just want to feel important by doing something important. Sabi nga sa Glee, “You feel special being part of something special.
I have tried being an entrepreneur/restaurateur. But at this point of my life I feel like I’m still in limbo. Gosh, I just realized, I’m like going back to being a 4th year high school. Sometimes I would say to myself and to my friends, things like:
I want to be a lawyer, what if I continue studying and take up LAW, but I think my brain will explode memorizing those mammoth books, forget it.
I really love animals, and biology is something that really interests me. Why not take Veterinary or Marine Biology since I love beach. But I don’t know how to swim, forget it.
Global Warming is really a big concern today; I want to take Environmental Protection or maybe forestry in UPLB.
I think I’m really into public service, should take public ad, be in politics, maybe be an ambassador, or the first gay president?
I’m really good in make-up, even genius, what if just take short course to have certificate, and invest a supply of make-up and make it a career. Knowing its social relevance, making people feel good about them even for few hours hahaha! I’m kidding. Or why not a career in fashion and writing and be the next Anna Wintour?
Indeed, a jackie-of-all trades, master of none.

We have influenced to believe that the way, the only way is to study hard, find a good job, flirt, build a family, and eventually die. I couldn’t help but wonder, are really being judged by the society based on the amount of our pay check? Or by words in our diploma?

Until now I’m still in a phase of uncertainty, but what I am sure about is: I want to travel, to eat and cook good food and to get laid (may not be in that particular order).
And certainly, I will never stop singing, dancing, acting and writing. And, I think know what I want to grow old doing.

“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what to do with your life. Most interesting people I know, didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-years-old I know still don’t.” - Sunscreen ‘99