Gay is the New Black

Few weeks ago I went to join the 1st model and fashion congress in Festival Mall, Alabang for a go-see.

After registration, you had to pose for the different agencies and if they liked you they would get your stats and contact info and they would also take pictures of you for their compilation.
Aspiring models would also need to show their walk for a particular brand for the fashion walk-off the following day.

They had to find tall ramp models for Wedding gowns. Yah, you read it right WEDDING GOWNS. The idea of walking in wedding makes me laugh. But since I was there already, I decided to take the opportunity. So I imagine wedding gown and hit the runway, walk a lil bit slowly, booty out, smiling with the eyes.

They needed additional 10 models, We were like more than 20 hopefuls that day. After announcing the number of the first seven selected models (which didn’t include me) they had to pause and they were like comteplating about the next 3 models. There was a few minutes of discussion and then I saw one of the panel excused herself to call someone from her cellphone. After few minutes, she put an OK sign in the air. And they announced “191” my number! It was a enlivening. Yes I idid it! I made it.

They got all our informaion and contact number. We were told about the talent fee. And we were advised to wait for an hour for the fitting. I was very excited. I already imagining myself in very pristine wedding gown.

After an hour, we were instructed go back on stage but suddenly the director called my attention and said “191, I have some bad news. Im sorry we don’t want to dishearten you, but the client called back, and they decided not to hire you for the job. We like your walk and we belive in you and its happenning today. I know it might disappoint you.”
I just said “I understand completely. I hope you will still give me another chance.”
Marex (I asked his name) said: definitely “we have your number naman, so definitely there will be another chance.”
I walked away from what ithought would be a defining moment and went home.

On my way home, I couldn’t help but ponder about why do I keep on doing this to myself. This is not the first time that a door was slammed into my face because of what I am and what I decided to embrace and live in.. Am I some kind of a masochist to endure all of that? Then, I remembered Tyra Banks utter on her show. GAY is the new BLACK, which I totally agree with. When she was starting in this industry, it was not easy for her to breakthrough. She always says that there doors slammed into her face, but there are windows, a back door, a cellar, a rooftop, a chimnney. Its not only through the front door that we can get in. And that is what I’m feeling about this endevour and her words is what I am holding on to. (with that I know my friend Alex will understand why I still love Tyra no matter what).
Yes there are obstacles, but should I let it stop me to do what I want to do? To fulfill what I feel I am bound to fulfill.

It took me blood, sweat and tears to shrink myself from size 5 to size 2. And to clear my skin from all the acne, just so I can have the confidence to show my talent and muster all my nerves to strut my pose,and do the catwalk. Should I let all my efforts be put into waist? Should I just accept that Gays(Transgender) can never grace the runway, billboards,and magazines especially here in the Philippines and they are just workers in the background never in the spotlight?

I’m not getting any younger. Tell me the answers.